“There is this new website that you should visit”, or “I think you will like this movie”, or “Remember you told me you could not do XYZ with your bank, here is a bank that has that facility”…I think recommendations is a currency in itself. Not money, but attention. If I recommend something to you (a video, a book or anything) I am asking for your attention. I am asking you to invest your time in something that I think you will like.

There is a risk involved when I recommend something. If I ask you to watch a video, and you like it, then you will pay more attention next time I recommend something. If you don’t like the video and feel that it is a waste of your time, you will ignore me (or will take longer to see/hear what I have said) next time. It is very human to do that. There are a lot of things that we can invest our time in and time is limited, so we prioritize. I daresay attention spans are not uniformly decreasing. The key word is uniformly. We are getting better at filtering things that we don’t like, spending less time on them and giving them less attention. If I don’t like Italian food (let’s say) then I will not waste time in reading adverts about that. But the flipside is if I like something, I will spend more time on it. I will visit your website everyday, if you do something interesting everyday. Our attention has become very selective, lazy and expensive.

I don’t watch the movies that friend ‘X’ recommends (even if I may like movies) because our tastes are very different. But I may go out of my way to see a play (even if I may not like plays) just because friend ‘Y’ said it was good. By default, we seem to maintain a mental score on who is recommending us good stuff to invest our time in and who is “wasting” our time. This internal score is prone to outliers too. If the friend, who generally recommends things that I don’t like, introduces me to something I really like, he has surprised me. His score in my mind increases because of this one recommendation. The same thing happens if someone with my taste in music (or anything) makes me listen to a song I don’t like.

It is not just about the mental score. We also consider about who is recommending stuff to us. I may listen to Bob Dylan just because Steve Jobs listens to him and I am a big fan of Steve Jobs. I will read Khalil Gibran, because another author I like said that he got his inspiration from Gibran. Hero-worship plays a huge part in our selections.

The same thing happens from an artist’s point of view. If I am an author and want you to read my book, I need to make it interesting. If I am a singer and sing one song badly, you will remember that when someone recommends my next album to you. You are probably reading this note because you like my previous writing or because a friend you trust has direct you to this.

Another interesting thing is that we know all this when we recommend something to someone. We consider all the scenarios mentioned above, without even thinking about them. So the next time you think that, you liking something or not is purely your decision…think again!

– Mayuresh

I, and many other people, complain that these two words are losing their meaning because they are overused. I myself use them quite a lot and try to express gratitude or an apoplogy every time I say/type them. But it is difficult to convey the message even if you mean it, because other people use it when they don’t mean it.

So here is a simple suggestion. Instead of just saying ‘thanks’ or ‘sorry’ try to make a sentence out of it. Say something like “Thank you for caring” or “Thank you for being there when I really needed you” or “I tried my best, but I am sorry that I could not help you” or “I am sorry that you feel that way, but here is what I think…” I think this is important in telling the other person that you mean it. Making a sentence summarizes what you are thankful or sorry for and hence tells the listener that you have thought about him. A dead-ended ‘sorry’ is meaningless, but saying why you are sorry tell someone that you have understood his/her views. The downside is that if you have not understood their perspective, then you will get caught easily. I think that makes it more genuine.

I hope many people don’t start using this tip, because overuse may ruin it too. But if you are really thankful or really sorry, say it like you mean it.

Thank you for your time.

– Mayuresh

I am sure you have heard this argument (or discussion) many times, so I will keep it short. People who make buying decisions simply based on price tags, know the price of everything and the value of nothing.

If you want to buy a pen you can pick one up for Rs.10 or spend Rs.15000 (on a Mont Blanc). The same is true for cars, computers, handbags, sunglasses, cat food, clothes and every other thing. Some people buy expensive coffee or wine, not necessarily because it tastes better but, because when they share it with their friends, they feel better about themselves. The value of showing off your riches to your guests comes at the price of getting an independent house in a  crowded city like Mumbai or Tokyo. The ‘feel good’ factor of using a paper bag instead of a plastic one, comes at a lower cost. In short, most people buy stuff based on the value. The ‘why’ sometimes means more than the ‘how much’.

There is another problem with the price. If you buy something because it is free with something (or something is free with it), do you really value it? The same thing is with a discount. Asking for discounts can be an endless negotiation, which usually ends in you buying something just because the price was low or saying “I really liked it, but he only gave me a 10% discount when I could have had 15%.” In both cases the object that you want to buy has lost value even before you buy it. You bought it as a trophy of the negotiation war that you won or gave it up as a loss. I doubt anyone would sell anything at a loss, so chances are the prices were inflated so you could bargain and feel like a winner. Moreover you ask for a discount, because you think someone else got one. If the seller is adamant that the price is fixed and if you want to bargain there is a shop down the road that sells it for a cheaper price, you tend to buy that thing for that price in that shop. You only ask for a discount and expect one, because you know someone else before you got one. Again, the value of the object is totally lost when these negotiations begin.

A kid never negotiates the price of a comic book or an action figure. It may be because he is a kid and does not know bargaining, but it is mostly because he really wants the book or toy. He saves up, works harder for more pocket money and eventually gets what he wants, at the set price. Then the toy becomes a trophy of a very different feeling, a feeling of working hard for what you want and getting it eventually. The kid not only becomes emotionally attached to it, but also keeps it forever for the lessons it has taught him. This kind of value can not be generated by haggling over the price or getting something duplicate or cheap.

The vicious circle – This is one example how one person being irrational can change the whole system. If everyone paid the price for everything without bargaining, the sellers would charge fair prices for everything. But because one (or a significant few) people went and asked for discounts and did not buy because the prices were not reduced, the sellers decided to play a trick. They inflated the prices, expecting people to bargain. Those who bargained bought the stuff at the “fair” price, those who did not bargain just increased the profits (a win-win for the seller not the buyer). I wonder what will happen if sellers start being more stubborn about charging fair prices and buyers only go to those sellers who do so?

– Mayuresh

The first one I heard on an online video and the second one I wrote myself. It is a work of fiction, but I think it tries to convey a subtle point. Feel free to fill in the blank in the title with a suitable word or term after reading the two stories.

First story that I heard on a video (just can not remember where it was?)

A man has a problem with his expensive watch, so he takes it to the watchmaker (it is the 1800s when watchmakers were respected for their craftsmanship and precision). The man is furious because his expensive watch does not work properly and thinks there is a problem with one of the dials. He tells this to the watchmaker who listens to him, then asks him to sit down and have a drink as he repairs the watch. There is classical music playing in the background and the watchmaker starts working on this exquisite piece of techonology that he created with his own hands. The man who is curious to see what is wrong with his watch starts inspecting the watchmaker’s actions. The watch is open, all it’s dials and levers showing and the man notices there are small inscriptions on the dials.

The man asks the watchmaker, “There is writing on those dials. Why go through all the trouble of fine inscriptions especially when it is inside a watch and no one can see it?”

The watchmaker replies, “It is for God. God can see it!”

Second story (that I basically made up)

The king feels like listening to some music, so he summons his best musician. The musician presents himself in court and the king orders him to perform. The musician politely refuses. The king feels disobeyed and disrespected in front of the whole court and orders the musician again,
“I am your king and I order you to perform.” The musician says, “My heart is not ready to perform and any music I play now may feel nice to you, but will only disappoint me. When the time is right, I will give my best performance.”
The king, now more angry than ever, says “How dare you disobey me? I will behead you for betraying me like this…”
The musician replies, “I serve God and if I betray my art, the gift that he has given me, I will have to answer to him in his court. I am not disobeying you, I am obeying my heart. I will be more scared of being beheaded if I perform now.”

I am still struggling to find a word to fill the gap. I think all I want to say is be honest to yourself and your work. Don’t do something because no one is watching…because your conscience is always watching!

- Mayuresh

कागदावर शाई पडत गेली
माझी कविता घडत गेली

ती येताना असंख्य तारे
तिच्या पदरात घेऊन यायची
जाताना जणू आकाश आणि
माझा चंद्र घेऊन जायची

आज एक चांदणी रडत होती
तरी माझी कविता घडत होती

हल्ली ती येतही नाही
तारे पदरात घेतही नाही
चंद्राचा जीव थोडा-थोडा होतो
ती त्याला कुठे नेतही नाही

ती ताऱ्यांची शिडी चढत होती
आणि माझी कविता घडत होती

आता माझा चंद्र मी
सोबत घेऊन चालतो
आकाशाचा पदर पांघरून
तिच्या ताऱ्यांशी बोलतो

आता ती परी सारखी उडत होती
ऐकटीच माझी कविता घडत होती

कविता होतच असतात
माझ्याकडे बघतच बसतात
ज्या तिच्या ओळी असतात
त्या तिच्यासारख्याच हसतात

रडणारी चांदणी रडून गेली
घडणारी कविता घडून गेली

– मयुरेश कुलकर्णी

I like listening to music when I am working on my computer. I nod my head with the beat, tap my foot and do all sorts of crazy hand movements as if I was playing the drums (or some other instrument). But there are a few ways that people listen to music. They either have a playlist of the songs or artists they like and keep shuffling between them or the select a song and listen to it for a long time. I fall in the second category, playing one song until I know every word. While playing the same songs over and over again for the past month, I was bored. I was tired of listening to the same songs, even if I really like them (and will always like them). So I went searching for something older, that I had not played for a while, just to add some flavour to what I was listening. That is when I rediscovered the song called ‘Kaise bhulegi mera naam’ (roughly translated, ‘how will you forget my name’) by a Hindi band called Euphoria. Following my habit, I kept listening to the same song for a while and then moved on to some of their other songs. I liked the band, they were different yet simple and interesting. Most importantly, I felt like they really enjoyed what they did, which in turn enhanced my hearing experience. I don’t think it can be explained in words, but sometimes you can feel that the singer has thoroughly enjoyed the song himself. It makes the creation more special.

I started thinking about this song again, ‘how will you forget my name’. It was about a man trying to tell the woman he loves, that she wont be able to forget his name. At first glance, it feels like a simple love song with the man telling the woman how much he loves her and all that jazz. The video is also about him and his group of friends doing crazy things like singing and dancing in buses and streets to impress her. All of us have heard or seen people doing outrageous (also hilarious) things when they are in love, but this song was different (ever so slightly). It was not just for that woman, it was for the whole world. I know it was a love song, and I am probably reading into it too much, but it was like a statement made by that band. ‘How will you forget my name’ they were telling the world. I think they were right. It is difficult to forget their name because of their music, their uniqueness and their bravery. If I am going back after so many years and listening to their songs, I am sure there are many other people doing the same. Not many people, especially their fans, have forgotten their name and their songs. If Steve Jobs were to say it, I think they have put a ding (their ding) in the universe.

I call them brave for another reason. The music industry is almost dead, it was back then too. I am not saying the music is dead, I am saying no one bothers to go and buy music. It appears on one of many websites (thanks to piracy) in just a few days after its release. I won’t argue for or against piracy, I am just saying it is there. I don’t think (I may be wrong) any band can make a living by selling CDs, because very few people want to pay for good music. Sure they will go and download it or go and pay for movies which feature the songs, but they will not “waste” their money on CDs. Again I am not arguing if this is moral or not, I am just saying its human nature and it happens. I am sure Euphoria knew this even before spending the time, effort and money to make and promote their album. They knew they would make very little money (may even lose money), but they recorded their album nonetheless. And that is why they are brave. It was not necessarily about the money. It was about saying we are doing this because we like it, if you want us to keep doing what we do, please support us. They did not sell out to movies or did not change who they were (to the best of my knowledge). They made their ding in the universe and hoped that people would support them. I think this is another reason for us not to forget their name. ‘It’s more fun to be a pirate than to join the navy’ to quote Steve Jobs again.

Two more examples of putting the ding. There was a music video called ‘Mujhe mil jo gaye thoda paisa’ (If I get some money) by a band called Aghosh. They tried the same thing as Euphoria in their own way. The song was funny, and the video was making fun of all the big-company-advertisements at the time. It was fun and people who saw it could not stop talking about it. I don’t think they made any money (especially since I have not heard of them after that song) but making money was not the point. The point was to do what they wanted, in a way they wanted and just being an example to other people. Another example is that of a crocheted rakhi, yes I repeat a crocheted rakhi. Rakhi is a piece of string that sisters tie on their brother’s wrist on a particular day of the year. In today’s world, like everything else, you can buy a rakhi for any price you want. It can start as low as Rs.1 (a basic thread) to something very expensive (a golden rakhi). The rakhi typically stays on the brother’s wrist for a few days after its tied and then gets discoloured and thrown away (expect may be the golden one). But one of my friends did something different, she made a crocheted rakhi for her brother. She put a lot of thought into it, and took something that was simple and made it into something that was extraordinary. The design was beautiful and the time spent weaving clearly showed the love and respect she had (still has) for her brother. I am sure it was worth a lot more than a golden rakhi for him and it has survived past the few days after it was tied. Her brother has preserved it and will never forget the gesture. I am sure I will never forget her name or this different idea. Again its not about making money, its about gaining something much more meaningful. It’s about putting your special ding in the universe and being remembered for it.

As I was writing this, I remembered these lines from a great Marathi poet, named Suresh Bhat:

“एकेक युध्द माझे मी हारलो तरीही

मजला अजिंक्य केले माझ्या पराभवांनी”

Even though I lost every one of my battles,
It’s my defeats that made me invincible.
(Again, my translation does not do justice to his words, I just hope they convey the underlying message.)

– Mayuresh

This brings me to transparency and honesty. When I think about these two virtues, I think they have a common ground between them. Transparency is showing everyone that you are doing the right thing, and honesty is doing the right thing even if no one is watching. The act of doing the right thing is links the two, that is if you are being truly transparent. In the long term, it is very difficult to be opaque (not transparent) especially if you are a public figure. Mass media will eventually get hold of the real you and display it to the world. The saying, ‘It takes years to build a reputation and minutes to destroy it’ has never been more true. If you are a corrupt politician, an honest newspaper or a brave blogger will make sure that the world sees you for who you are. Websites against plagiarism, make it very difficult for students to copy reports, theses and research papers and pass them off as their own. Film stars and celebrities have their indiscretions paraded all over newspapers, websites, blogs, SMSs and other means of communication. In short, if you are doing something that you should not be doing you will get caught and pay the price. This is what happened to me when I read the article. I did not know who to trust, but I surely lost faith in the singer. I agree that the song would not have become so famous so quickly if it was not for the story that went with it, but I also think that people like me won’t appreciate the cheap, false story for some short term gain. So by being dishonest, the singer took a song that would have become popular eventually (because it was that good) and concentrated on the short term and short lasting fame. This is the same reason why we distrust politicians; they don’t (even try to) keep their promises.

Honesty, they say, does not pay well (and is too idealistic). Why should a politician be honest when he can bribe everyone, fill his pockets with the tax payers money and retire just after his term (of 4 or 5 years)? Being dishonest is simply easier than being honest. Why should a struggling singer not aim for short-term fame and attention, and use people’s human side by lying to them? Again being false earns him a living and much needed attention from people who will hire him for further work. What does being honest and transparent earn him? Nothing? I would argue against this. I think being honest earns him something that will earn him a living anyway. It earns him respect. People know and believe with all their heart that he won’t do anything dishonest. The support and respect of such people will surely result in financial success, but it has more meaning than the one achieved otherwise. Just being the best and going to the top does not matter. It also matters how you get there. Do you step on others’ toes or do people willingly pick you up and help you rise. What rises quickly, also falls at the same pace. So even if the honest way is long and arduous, it is also long lasting and satisfying.

Being honest and transparent is difficult for the people who are inherently dishonest. For those who are honest, it is just a way of life. It also helps one sleep better at night.

- Mayuresh

There is almost always something missing, something that can be better or that you want to have more of. Whenever you are missing something, you are stuck. Just like the cooking debacle, you are stuck with options. You can give up what you are doing and cut your losses. It takes a lot of courage to pull the plug on something you have worked on but have realized that the key component is missing. The cost of going on doing the thing that you like, is a lot more than the returns (financial, emotional or any other). The pain involved in moving on and doing something else, is considerably less than pumping more energy and just hoping things work out. The flip side to this is that you are missing something trivial. For example, if a big company with lots of assets and revenue enters a new market, it may not have the name and respect of the customers. But it has proven itself in the old markets and that reputation will help it to gain the customer confidence it needs. It is also not difficult or taxing for them to buy advertisements and publicize the product or brand in a way they want, because they have the capital to do it. So the cost of going on (penetrating a new market in this case) is very low compared to the cost of giving up (and losing all the potential customers).

The real problem (or challenge) lies in between these two extremes. It’s when you are not sure if the ingredient that you are missing is vital, and if you will get it soon. The decision, of carrying on or stopping, becomes more difficult if there is money involved. The missing ingredient can be money, reputation, experience or any other important aspect. The possibility and fear of failure (with the resulting losses) need to be carefully compared to the chances of success. There is a simple (it may seem too simple) rule of thumb to handle these situations. If failure means you won’t be able to try anything else, then don’t carrying on. For example, if failure may result into, let’s say, bankruptcy then you won’t be able to try anything else; then don’t try it. But if trying this thing means that you may lose some money and not all, it’s worth a try. I am using money as an example, but this is true for anything. Emotionally, this can mean something like this. If you will be completely destroyed and lose all hope if a relationship goes wrong, don’t get into the relationship. But if you know that you can recover, and that getting into such a relationship will be more good than bad (even if it is slightly), then it’s a good idea. A simple way to explain it is “It’s okay to let yourself go, as long as you can get yourself back.” Try something where a loss doesn’t restrict you from trying anything else ever again.

So basically, trying new things broadens our outlook, surprises us by showing us our hidden talents and rewards us for the risks we have taken. On the other hand, we should not put all our eggs in one basket and try to protect ourselves from losses. Every good idea needs to be tried and tested. It may not work at a certain time, or in a certain place but eventually if you try many things one of them will work. It is also interesting how one thing that works can wipe out all our losses and motivate us to try more. You can fail many times, but you only need to succeed once to make up all your losses. You just need to make sure that the missing ingredient in the equation isn’t too crucial and you will be able to make up for it in some way.

- Mayuresh

The ball is not round – One of the first things that I found quite different, and hence interesting, is the ball. It is not round. I have heard many players and supporters complaining about the ball and its awkward bounce. It may seem like common sense to suggest using a round ball, but this pseudo-oval shaped ball also has a purpose in the story. Life is not fair. Many best laid plans go wrong, just like this ball bounces unpredictably when it hits the ground. Sometimes the bounce is in your favour, other times it isn’t. A good player knows that the ball is unpredictable just like life, and his job is to play the game and not to complain about the ball not being fair.

Pass backwards to move forwards – In Rugby, you always have to pass back to a team mate. Forward passes are considered fouls and result in penalties. This can be related to life in the sense that you have to go back to the things you know while moving forward and tackling the things you don’t. Taking a step back and seeing the bigger picture rather than the piece of the puzzle in your hand is a good skill to have. It always helps to go back and analyse the steps that were taken, the decisions that were made and the results that followed. If the outcome was good, then we can learn the things that went right and vice versa. Yes, all of us would like to keep moving forward at a fast pace, but it is insightful to stop and take a look back.

Friends with beards and strange hair-dos – Every Rugby team seems to have a few people who have completely forgotten a scientific invention called the razor. They are either too busy lifting weights or bumping into other heavy guys, to shave and look presentable. But that’s the whole point, their job is not to look good. Their job is to support the team, put their bodies on the line and carry the ball over a certain line. A team works better as a unit when everyone knows exactly what they are supposed to do and respects the jobs of the other members in the team. The number 10 can kick far, number 9 is the brain and controls the play and many others work around them and make it all happen. So in life, even if your friends are strange and quirky in some ways, they accept your weird habits so you should accept them with theirs. Some of the smartest people have forgotten about the razor (Einstein for one) but that does not make them any less better at what they do. Everyone has funny habits, things they do because they have always done it that way or even out of superstition. The thing to remember is your friends may not be clever, good-looking, charming or even human (sometimes) but they are your friends because they are special to you.

Big guys with scary tattoos – The other specialty of this sport is that the players are huge. They are six feet tall and weigh a hundred kilograms on average. They are not just bulky, they are also agile and fast. They are also scary to stand next to and have tattoos on arms, calves and in many other places. In life, when you are trying to do something, achieving a goal or finding your way, remember, there will always be big guys with scary tattoos in your way. These obstacles may be people, institutions or may just be luck not going your way, but they will always seem big and scary. Also, if you are not facing something big and scary, that probably means you are not doing anything interesting or important. Just like in a Rubgy match, if these big guys are not in your way, then you are probably not playing the game and are just a spectator. When faced with obstacles, rely on your friends who are as big as the obstacles and remember that you are not small yourself. Tackle, push or simply out run the difficulties.

Cauliflower ears – Because of the constant tackling, scrumming, brushing against others and fighting for the ball players end up with scars, wounds, bruises and bloody ears. The ears sometimes get damaged so badly that they swell and lose their shape permanently, and are called cauliflower ears. The lesson here is simple, when you fight your fight or play your game there will always be injuries. It will never be easy, but you just have to get up wash the blood and move on. In Rugby, just like in life, no one will ask you how many cuts and wounds you have. They will only ask you how many points you scored and matches you won.

Try – So after passing the ball around, getting hit by a few big guys and with the help of your team mates, you finally manage to clear the line and get the five points. In Rugby, it is still just called ‘a try’. It may sound like a very small reward for the amount of risk taken, but it is just a try. It implies that you have to go back, start again and do it all over (hopefully a bit differently the next time). It almost feels like the journey to the try was more important than touching the ground with the ball beyond a certain line. And most of the times, it is the process that is more inspiring, motivating and educating than the final result. Winning a match is attempting a collection of tries (with conversions, which are 2 points). Imagine seeing our lives like that, each achievement just being a try or a stepping stone towards winning the match and doing what we want to do.

– Mayuresh