Home > Thoughts । विचारांवर चर्चा > Don’t tell me how to make my coffee

Don’t tell me how to make my coffee

Don’t tell me how to make my coffee

There are two aspects to this story, but first let’s start with some context. The story is about telling someone that they are doing something wrong, especially when they have done it many many times. The example I am using is, if I am making coffee in the morning and you see me make coffee and you say, “Wait, you are doing that wrong! That’s not how you make coffee, this is how you do it.” The part about “this is how you do it” can mean anything, from the wrong type of coffee, to the amount of time the boiling water is in contact with the powder or anything in between. I would like to react like this, “Don’t tell me how to make my coffee.” This is what happens when you tell someone that they are doing something wrong, when they have done it a million times.

The first aspect is, I have made coffee in the same (“wrong”) way many times, and I like the resulting brownish liquid even if you don’t think it is “coffee”. Also, because I am the one who is making it and I am the one who is going to drink it, I don’t see why you should tell me how to make it. These responses may sound impolite but it will be like someone coming up to you and telling you that you are breathing wrongly, or you are enjoying music incorrectly. There is no “right” way to do certain things, there are many different ways. In a world where our differences make us unique, it is inconsiderate to impose our ideals and ways on others. You should treat others the way you would want to be treated, so be gentle and friendly in your suggestions.

Secondly, is there a right way to make coffee! I would argue there isn’t. There are many ways to make coffee and each one of them is different without either one being right or wrong. I am sure you make coffee differently and I am sure you enjoy it the way you make it, but that does not mean I will. If you are a good friend and suggest a different way politely, I will surely consider making coffee in that way. I don’t want to hear I am wrong, especially when I know there is no right way. I think suggestions, explanations or questions like what if you did it this way, have more impact than accusations like ‘you are doing it wrong!’

As an extra bit of information, don’t do this to anyone with their first cup of coffee of the day. No one deserves to start a day listening to how they are doing one of the first things in the day wrong. It not only sets a bad tone to the whole day, but also decreases the chances of your suggestions being considered (let alone accepted) from then on. You must have realized by now that even though this example is about me and coffee, the underlying ideas can be about any person in anything they do.

— Mayuresh

  1. August 26, 2011 at 9:25 am

    This is not how you write on this topic!! Let me tell you how you go about it.
    So first what you do is….

  2. Chinmay Kulkarni
    September 17, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    Nice! 🙂

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