Rugby vs. Life

Rugby vs. Life

I was introduced to this game called Rugby about five years ago, but I only started watching (relatively) seriously about two years ago. Before going any further, let me admit that I am not an expert or even an amateur at the sport. My role can be best described as a complete outsider cheering at the wrong times, wondering why other people are shouting at the right times and being completely lost most of the times while watching this very physical sport. So me writing something about Rugby is like Harbhajan Singh scoring a test hundred in cricket, but that has happen twice and consecutively at that so I feel confident while writing this. This is an attempt to take the little I know about Rugby and comparing it to the other game I know little about, life.

The ball is not round – One of the first things that I found quite different, and hence interesting, is the ball. It is not round. I have heard many players and supporters complaining about the ball and its awkward bounce. It may seem like common sense to suggest using a round ball, but this pseudo-oval shaped ball also has a purpose in the story. Life is not fair. Many best laid plans go wrong, just like this ball bounces unpredictably when it hits the ground. Sometimes the bounce is in your favour, other times it isn’t. A good player knows that the ball is unpredictable just like life, and his job is to play the game and not to complain about the ball not being fair.

Pass backwards to move forwards – In Rugby, you always have to pass back to a team mate. Forward passes are considered fouls and result in penalties. This can be related to life in the sense that you have to go back to the things you know while moving forward and tackling the things you don’t. Taking a step back and seeing the bigger picture rather than the piece of the puzzle in your hand is a good skill to have. It always helps to go back and analyse the steps that were taken, the decisions that were made and the results that followed. If the outcome was good, then we can learn the things that went right and vice versa. Yes, all of us would like to keep moving forward at a fast pace, but it is insightful to stop and take a look back.

Friends with beards and strange hair-dos – Every Rugby team seems to have a few people who have completely forgotten a scientific invention called the razor. They are either too busy lifting weights or bumping into other heavy guys, to shave and look presentable. But that’s the whole point, their job is not to look good. Their job is to support the team, put their bodies on the line and carry the ball over a certain line. A team works better as a unit when everyone knows exactly what they are supposed to do and respects the jobs of the other members in the team. The number 10 can kick far, number 9 is the brain and controls the play and many others work around them and make it all happen. So in life, even if your friends are strange and quirky in some ways, they accept your weird habits so you should accept them with theirs. Some of the smartest people have forgotten about the razor (Einstein for one) but that does not make them any less better at what they do. Everyone has funny habits, things they do because they have always done it that way or even out of superstition. The thing to remember is your friends may not be clever, good-looking, charming or even human (sometimes) but they are your friends because they are special to you.

Big guys with scary tattoos – The other specialty of this sport is that the players are huge. They are six feet tall and weigh a hundred kilograms on average. They are not just bulky, they are also agile and fast. They are also scary to stand next to and have tattoos on arms, calves and in many other places. In life, when you are trying to do something, achieving a goal or finding your way, remember, there will always be big guys with scary tattoos in your way. These obstacles may be people, institutions or may just be luck not going your way, but they will always seem big and scary. Also, if you are not facing something big and scary, that probably means you are not doing anything interesting or important. Just like in a Rubgy match, if these big guys are not in your way, then you are probably not playing the game and are just a spectator. When faced with obstacles, rely on your friends who are as big as the obstacles and remember that you are not small yourself. Tackle, push or simply out run the difficulties.

Cauliflower ears – Because of the constant tackling, scrumming, brushing against others and fighting for the ball players end up with scars, wounds, bruises and bloody ears. The ears sometimes get damaged so badly that they swell and lose their shape permanently, and are called cauliflower ears. The lesson here is simple, when you fight your fight or play your game there will always be injuries. It will never be easy, but you just have to get up wash the blood and move on. In Rugby, just like in life, no one will ask you how many cuts and wounds you have. They will only ask you how many points you scored and matches you won.

Try – So after passing the ball around, getting hit by a few big guys and with the help of your team mates, you finally manage to clear the line and get the five points. In Rugby, it is still just called ‘a try’. It may sound like a very small reward for the amount of risk taken, but it is just a try. It implies that you have to go back, start again and do it all over (hopefully a bit differently the next time). It almost feels like the journey to the try was more important than touching the ground with the ball beyond a certain line. And most of the times, it is the process that is more inspiring, motivating and educating than the final result. Winning a match is attempting a collection of tries (with conversions, which are 2 points). Imagine seeing our lives like that, each achievement just being a try or a stepping stone towards winning the match and doing what we want to do.

— Mayuresh

You have to be scary!

You have to be scary!

(For those of you who don’t know) I am a post graduate student and work as a tutor or a teaching assistant at the university. This not only keeps me in touch with the undergraduate subjects but also earns me some much-needed cash. So I recently applied for one such job after getting an inter-departmental email about a vacancy. It was to assist a lecturer for the course titled Statistics in Engineering. The work hours were flexible and the pay was decent, so I decided to go and meet the lecturer in person to discuss my chances.

I went to the right floor in the correct building and checked the name of the door before knocking. After the ‘come in’, I went in and started introducing myself. The lecturer was friendly and offered me some tea which I politely refused. After the introductions and the small talk, I told him that I was interested in working for him as a TA (teaching assistant). He looked at me and then looked past me and said “You are not scary enough.” To say I was surprised would be an understatement. The thoughts in my mind began to race, had I heard him right, had he said ‘scary’, had I come to the wrong place. But then I realized that the lecturer was Eastern European and thought that may be he meant ‘experienced’ when he said ‘scary’ (sarcasm intended). So after reassuring myself that I had not come to audition for a horror-thriller movie, I asked him again.

He said, “The students are very annoying, they ask many questions. I don’t think you are scary enough to handle them. You look too simple and nice!”

Still not sure about what he meant, I told him that I was experienced in doing the job because I had done it before. I had handled classes that were larger than his in size. I also had worked with students from all years, so I was perfect for the job. The more I tried to convince him to give me the job, the more he kept saying that I wasn’t scary! So finally, I gave up and said thank you and good bye and left it at that. The two things that I learnt or I find really interesting are:

Firstly, are we really scared of students asking questions? The job description in the email did not say “Tutor wanted, the scarier the better!” I thought being nice to students and being patient with them, not only helped them to learn new things but also gave us the experience to teach. I am sure this does not happen with all lecturers, but I was amused at the fact of this lecturer trying to scare his students. Surely there are better ways of teaching and learning. I know I am not a scary person, but I never thought it would work against me when I was trying to get a job. Sometimes, things that you think are qualities can also be seen as drawbacks.

The next thing I learnt was, you can’t convince someone when he has made up his mind (or at least I can’t). The more I tried to persuade him the more he said no. He probably had made up his mind once he saw be enter the door. I should have realized that once someone has made a decision, it is difficult to turn back. He thought that his teaching assistant had to be scary, not experienced, not helpful just scary, and I had no choice but to respect that. It was an interesting lesson, but when you try to bang your head against the wall, the only thing that gets hurt is you. (So stop banging your head against the wall and just be scary!)

— Mayuresh

Don’t tell me how to make my coffee

Don’t tell me how to make my coffee

There are two aspects to this story, but first let’s start with some context. The story is about telling someone that they are doing something wrong, especially when they have done it many many times. The example I am using is, if I am making coffee in the morning and you see me make coffee and you say, “Wait, you are doing that wrong! That’s not how you make coffee, this is how you do it.” The part about “this is how you do it” can mean anything, from the wrong type of coffee, to the amount of time the boiling water is in contact with the powder or anything in between. I would like to react like this, “Don’t tell me how to make my coffee.” This is what happens when you tell someone that they are doing something wrong, when they have done it a million times.

The first aspect is, I have made coffee in the same (“wrong”) way many times, and I like the resulting brownish liquid even if you don’t think it is “coffee”. Also, because I am the one who is making it and I am the one who is going to drink it, I don’t see why you should tell me how to make it. These responses may sound impolite but it will be like someone coming up to you and telling you that you are breathing wrongly, or you are enjoying music incorrectly. There is no “right” way to do certain things, there are many different ways. In a world where our differences make us unique, it is inconsiderate to impose our ideals and ways on others. You should treat others the way you would want to be treated, so be gentle and friendly in your suggestions.

Secondly, is there a right way to make coffee! I would argue there isn’t. There are many ways to make coffee and each one of them is different without either one being right or wrong. I am sure you make coffee differently and I am sure you enjoy it the way you make it, but that does not mean I will. If you are a good friend and suggest a different way politely, I will surely consider making coffee in that way. I don’t want to hear I am wrong, especially when I know there is no right way. I think suggestions, explanations or questions like what if you did it this way, have more impact than accusations like ‘you are doing it wrong!’

As an extra bit of information, don’t do this to anyone with their first cup of coffee of the day. No one deserves to start a day listening to how they are doing one of the first things in the day wrong. It not only sets a bad tone to the whole day, but also decreases the chances of your suggestions being considered (let alone accepted) from then on. You must have realized by now that even though this example is about me and coffee, the underlying ideas can be about any person in anything they do.

— Mayuresh

विचारकरी | अंध रिसर्च | इनफायनाईट मंकी थियरम

विचारकरी | अंध रिसर्च | इनफायनाईट मंकी थियरम

विचारकरी | लिप इयरचा होकार | तिसऱ्या २९ फेब्रुवारीचा चमत्कार

विचारकरी | लिप इयरचा होकार | तिसऱ्या २९ फेब्रुवारीचा चमत्कार

 

विचारकरी | शॉपींग फ्लोचार्ट | माय मराठी आणि हाय हिंदी

विचारकरी | शॉपींग फ्लोचार्ट | माय मराठी आणि हाय हिंदी

 

चारोळी

चारोळी

प्रश्न असा पडतो मला की
मी तुला कळलो का नाही?
तुझ्यासाठी पेटल्यावर मग
मरणानंतर जळलो का नाही?

जाऊदे आता दु:ख तरी
कशा कशाचं करून घ्यायचं
रडत रडत जगण्यापेक्षा
हसत हसत मरून घ्यायचं

जाळल्या ज्या कविता त्यांनी
जिवंत कविंनी केल्यावर
जिवंत केल्या त्या कविता
त्यांनी कविला जाळल्यावर

— मयुरेश कुलकर्णी

Critics and criticism

Critics and criticism

The word critic is derived from a Greek word which means being able to discern. This can be interpreted as a person who is able to tell the difference between what works and what does not, what is good or bad and so on. So even though by definition critics can be good or bad, I am refering to the ones that are bad. Because it is very difficult (mostly impossible) to please everyone, there will always be people who oppose your work, don’t understand the point of what you are doing or just don’t agree with you on anything. Although criticism can be constructive, constant criticism never helps with personal or professional growth.

In my humble opinion, there are two kinds of people who criticise. The first kind follow your work, they read, listen and pay attention to what you do. They really like what you do and find your work interesting, but sometimes they don’t agree with certain things. For example, if you are a singer these people will follow all your performances and will point out when some of your songs were not as good as others. This is natural as everyone has off-days, days where they don’t work well or things go wrong. This kind of criticism does not happen often, because off-days are few and far between. These people start with a compliment and ease into the parts of your work that need improvement. They say things like, “You sung that song really well, but I have heard you sing it even better.” These people can even be your closest friends because they know you well enough to see when you do something differently. They can act like radars signalling when something goes wrong or could have been done better. They are honest in their criticism and gentle in their expression. They are trying to add the final cuts to make you a sparkling diamond rather than a raw, unfinished one. These are the people who you should be listening to when you are looking for feedback.

The second kind of criticism is from people who have a problem with you. They don’t care about what you do, they probably have not even bothered to understand what your thoughts are. They don’t have the time to go through your work or see things from your perspective. They just have a problem with you, because they have a problem with you. They disagree with all your ideas, reject all your suggestions and oppose all your decisions without consideration. This kind of criticism happens so often that you start expecting it from these people. These people will try to shoot down your performances and attempts in a public and humiliating manner. They will say things like “Your singing was ok, but XYZ sings the same song better.” They always compare you to someone else (who they like) and not to your past work, because they don’t know you or your work. This kind of criticism is the result of jealousy or a reaction to other people criticising their work. In some cases, criticising you or pulling you down gives these people a false sense of achievement and satisfaction. Whatever the reason or the result of this may be, one should not pay attention to these people. Your enemies are your enemies because they don’t understand why your friends like you. In the same way, these critics always criticise you because they don’t understand why your fans support you.

The important thing that you should not forget is, you are acting and they are reacting. You have been brave enough to try something new or present something old in a new way. You have been strong enough to show everyone what you have done, even though you know there will be mixed reactions. The people who like you, like you because you are honest and not afraid of the people who don’t like you. The first kind of critics know that you do interesting things, things worth taking notice of. They will spend time and effort going through your work, trying to feel your emotions and they will be genuine in their reactions. They will always come back and pay attention even after a few off-days, because they understand that off-days are a part of life. They don’t expect themselves to like everything you do, they just expect you to keep doing the interesting things that you do. So the thing to remember is be honest, be genuine, be natural and don’t give importance to the second type of critics.

— Mayuresh

बेवड्यांना कविता ऐकवणं

बेवड्यांना कविता ऐकवणं

हल्ली बेवड्यांनाच कविता
ऐकवणं बरं असतं
तुम्ही काय सांगाल ते
त्यांच्यासाठी खरं असतं

वास्तवाच्या चष्म्यातून जग
आपल्याला बुडवताना दिसतं
पेल्याच्या काचेतून त्यांना
सगळंच तरंगताना दिसतं

शिव्या घालत नाहीत ते
कधी तकरार करत नाहीत
चिरफाड करत नाहीत ते
कधी सत्कार करत नाहीत

हल्ली बेवड्यांनाच कविता
ऐकवणं बरं असतं
त्या एकाच पेल्यात
त्यांचं दु:ख सारं असतं

हो हो म्हणतात
ते माना पण डोलवतात
कविता संपल्यावर
परत वाचायलाही लावतात

बेवड्यांना निदान माझ्या
कविता ऐकण्याची हिम्मत असते
वेदनेत रंगून, मैफिल रंगवून
त्यांना दु:खाची किम्मत असते

सवईंचं काय आहे, त्या
लागता लागता लागतात
मग तेही आमच्यासारखे
वेड्यासारखे वागतात

फरक इतकाच की, दारू
मेंदूवर नशा चढवते
आणि कविता तीच झींग
शाईतून कागदावर उतरवते

— मयुरेश कुलकर्णी

विचारकरी | गरिबी खरी आणि खोटी | ग्राहक आमचा देव खरा

विचारकरी | गरिबी खरी आणि खोटी | ग्राहक आमचा देव खरा